sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
