Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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