I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
