Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize