remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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