I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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