I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
