i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
