I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
