why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
