You just made me feel so damn special
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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