i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
