What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
