Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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