Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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