we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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