I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
