He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
