Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
