You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
please don't ironically join a cult
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