Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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