omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
