I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize