She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
