btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
