That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
