My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
