there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
