I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
