I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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