weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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