i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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