It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
