No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
