Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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