is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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