Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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