Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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