did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
