xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
