I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
