I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
