Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
