before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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