Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize