I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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