please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
