If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
