Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
