So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
