You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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