Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
