Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
