Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
