Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your cock deserves a montage
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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