between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
