im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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