i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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