Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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