i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
