I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
