Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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