I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
