So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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