Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
