My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
