"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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