I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
